We talk a lot about courage in leadership. Stepping up. Raising your hand. Putting your name forward. But we don't talk enough about what happens when you do all of that and the answer comes back no.
This episode of Speak Arizona is not a comeback story. Not yet. It's a conversation about being in the middle of the chapter where you did everything right, prepared in every way you knew how, and the system moved in a different direction. It's about what leadership looks like when the title doesn't come. And it's about the difference between letting a moment define you and deciding that it won't.
Rose Swearingen is a 25-year Toastmaster. She's a former District Director, one of the most decorated volunteer leaders in District 3's history, and someone who has poured decades of service into an organization she loves. She recently ran for International Director on the Toastmasters International Board and was not nominated. On this episode, she sat down with host Rupesh Parbhoo to talk about what that experience was really like, how she's processing it, and what she wants other leaders to take from it.
Preparing for More Than the Role
When Rose made the decision to run for International Director, it wasn't impulsive. The process started five or six years before she ever submitted her paperwork. She didn't just prepare technically. She prepared physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Rose lost over 100 pounds during that period. She knew that campaigning at convention meant standing for hours, talking to delegates, maintaining energy across long days. She couldn't have done that in her previous state of health. She wanted every part of her life aligned before she stepped forward.
She also did deep work on her leadership style. Early in her career, she describes walking into rooms with a marching band. She was loud, confident, and certain she was right. Over the years, she evolved. The marching band became a string quartet. A more subtle, more mature way of leading. Still strong. Still direct. But refined by experience and self-awareness.
Her mentor told her it was time. She had the credentials. She had the experience. She had coached seven districts as a Region Advisor, six of which reached Distinguished or better. She was the second most successful District Director in District 3's history. Everyone told her she was a great candidate. A perfect candidate. She should at least get nominated.
She wasn't.
The Honest Reaction
Rose was shocked. Her husband thought she was kidding. She found out on December 27th while recovering from severe food poisoning, days after Christmas. Her family had delayed opening presents because she couldn't get downstairs. Then the phone call came.
She almost asked to have the conversation again because she thought she might have heard wrong.
Rose is quick to say the person who was nominated is a fantastic candidate who will serve the membership well. This isn't about blame. But the shock was real. If she wasn't qualified, she thought, who would be?
What followed was weeks of wanting to, as she puts it, burn the world down. She was angry. She was hurt. She cried. She had worked so hard for so long and she couldn't understand how the organization that tells everyone to find their voice had decided her voice wasn't the right one.
And then she arrived at something that changed the shape of the whole experience. It's not the most important thing. It's important. But it's not the most important thing. It didn't define who she is as a person. Nobody took her birthday away because it happened. She was going to be okay.
The Marching Band and the String Quartet
One of the most striking moments in the conversation was Rose describing her leadership evolution. She used to walk into a room with a marching band. She knew best. She was going to tell you what was wrong and how to fix it. That approach got results, but it also created a perception of who she was that followed her for years.
The feedback she received after not being nominated included a suggestion that she needed to be more collaborative. When she told her professional manager at work, the reaction was disbelief. Rose is one of the most collaborative people on her team.
Rose believes that feedback was rooted in a perception of who she was 12 years ago, not who she is today. And she raised a point that resonated deeply. When women are told to be more collaborative, it's often code for something else entirely. She doesn't accept that framing. She's strong. She has strong opinions. And she's not going to shrink herself to make other people more comfortable.
She also recognizes that some of her ideas about innovation may have felt too radical for people embedded in the organization's traditional way of operating. But membership organizations everywhere are at a crossroads. Declining participation. Changing expectations. Rose believes the moment calls for innovation, not caution. She wasn't planning to burn the house down or be the savior. She wanted to plant seeds and grow something new.
She's going to keep doing that whether she has the title or not.
Qualified Feedback
Rupesh brought in a concept from a previous Speak Arizona guest, world champion speaker Darren LaCroix, that connected directly to Rose's experience: qualified coaches.
In Toastmasters, feedback comes from everywhere. A brand new member and a 20-year veteran are both giving evaluations. When you're confident and grounded, you can sort through it. But when you've just been told no and your confidence is shattered, feedback hits differently. It comes from every direction and you don't know what to listen to.
Rupesh's advice is to know who the feedback is coming from. Listen to all of it. But give yourself permission not to incorporate everything. Some feedback is a gift. Some feedback says more about the person giving it than the person receiving it. Learning the difference is one of the most important skills a leader can develop.
Rose agreed. She spent too many years in her 20s and 30s trying to fit into molds other people built for her. She heard every version of "you can't, you shouldn't, you won't, we won't let you." She doesn't accept those conversations anymore. If she's not qualified or physically can't do something, fine. But when she's qualified and she wants it, she goes for it. She'll consider feedback, but she has to know it's right in her gut before she changes direction.
Rejection Is Redirection
Rose and her husband Tim had been wanting to spend summers in New England for years. First they put it on hold to care for her father. Then she was planning to be on the board, which would have delayed it another two years.
When the nomination didn't come, something else opened up. In 40 days from the recording, they were leaving for New England. She got re-engaged in local politics, something she'd put on the back burner. She became president of her HOA. She and Tim started investing more time in their photography business.
None of that would have happened if she'd been nominated.
Rose's husband helped her see it clearly. The time they have with people they love is the most valuable thing they have. They don't end a phone call without saying I love you. They make strategic decisions about how to spend their time. And being on a board was never going to be on anyone's gravestone.
Rupesh's Own Story
One of the most powerful moments in the episode came from Rupesh himself. He shared that he left his last corporate job in a similar circumstance. He was passed over for a promotion. He was angry. He created stories about what was done to him. He didn't leave with courage. He left with anger.
But a year later, looking back, the picture was completely different. The podcast. The yoga certification. A small business. Things he never would have attempted from inside the safety of a corporate paycheck. He didn't have the courage in that moment. He had the anger. But the anger opened the door that courage eventually walked through.
Now he looks back and wonders why he didn't leave earlier. The answer is simple. He wasn't ready. It took the fracture to create the opening.
What She'd Tell You
Rose closed with advice for anyone who just got told no. Have a plan B. Not because you expect to fail, but because when the energy you've been pouring into one thing suddenly has nowhere to go, you need a place to redirect it. She had hers ready. Mentoring. Being a resource. Continuing her own communication journey. When the nomination didn't come, she put that plan into action immediately.
And she left the audience with something that's easy to say but takes real work to believe. This did not define who she is. It didn't take anything away from her. Nobody took her birthday away because it happened. She's still qualified. She's still passionate. She's still leading.
Just because they didn't see it doesn't mean it isn't there. Their loss. Keep going.
About Rose Swearingen
Rose Swearingen is a 25-year Toastmaster, former District Director, Region Advisor, and one of the most experienced volunteer leaders in District 3's history. She currently works in resource planning and capacity management for a large healthcare company and is the co-owner of Down East Photographers.
Connect with Rose:
- LinkedIn: Rose Swearingen
- Instagram: @downeastrose
- Website: Down East Photographers