Here's a phrase that should never be necessary but gets said in offices everywhere: "This could have been an email."
The fact that it's become a meme tells you something is deeply broken about how teams communicate — especially remote and distributed ones. And the fix isn't fewer meetings or more meetings. It's being deliberate about which conversations belong where.
In this episode, host Rupesh Parbhoo sits down with leadership coach Kelly Soifer to dig into the communication challenges that come with remote, hybrid, and distributed work. Kelly has been working remotely since 2010 — a full decade before the rest of the world was forced to figure it out — and she's spent the years since coaching leaders on how to make it actually work.
Remote, Hybrid, Distributed — Why the Difference Matters for Communication
Before getting into tactics, Kelly made a distinction that most people skip over entirely.
In-person is obvious — everyone's in the same building. Hybrid means some people are in the office, some are remote, and they might overlap a few days a week. But distributed is different. In a distributed workforce, there is no central office. Everyone works virtually. They're not "remote from" anything because there's nowhere to be remote from.
Why does this matter? Because each setup requires a completely different approach to communication. When the pandemic hit in 2020, most organizations just moved their in-person habits onto Zoom — same meetings, same reporting, same rhythms, just on a screen. And that's exactly why it felt so exhausting.
The real question isn't "how do we do meetings on Zoom?" It's "when should we be meeting at all?"
Synchronous vs. Asynchronous: The Framework Every Remote Team Needs
Kelly's core framework comes down to two words: synchronous and asynchronous.
Synchronous means everyone's together at the same time — a Zoom call, a meeting, a live conversation. Asynchronous means offline communication — emails, Slack messages, recorded updates, shared documents.
Most teams never have an intentional conversation about which type of work belongs in which category. They default to meetings for everything and then wonder why everyone's burned out.
Kelly's rule is simple: synchronous time should be reserved for things that actually require real-time interaction. That means brainstorming, strategic problem-solving, professional development, and team building. Everything else — status updates, reporting, information sharing — should be asynchronous.
Her most visceral reaction was about using meetings for round-the-room updates. Having everyone sit on a call while each person reports what they've been working on is, in her words, the worst possible use of meeting time. Put it in a written update. Have everyone read it before the meeting. Then use the synchronous time to discuss what actually needs discussion.
Rupesh shared his own experience trying this at a previous company. The experiment worked at first — they moved report-outs to recordings and saved meetings for active collaboration. But then things started breaking down. Half the team watched the recordings. Half didn't. When they got into the live meetings, they ended up repeating everything anyway, which punished the people who had done the prep work.
The lesson wasn't that async doesn't work. It's that async requires buy-in, clear expectations, and accountability — the same things that make synchronous meetings work too.
How to Run Remote Meetings People Don't Dread
Kelly laid out a meeting structure that sounds like a lot of detail — until you try it and realize how much time it saves.
Every synchronous meeting should have an agenda distributed 24 to 48 hours in advance, attached to the calendar invite. Not five minutes before. Not at the start of the call. In advance, so people can actually prepare.
Three roles should be assigned for every meeting: a designated leader (not always the person who called it), a notetaker, and a timekeeper. The agenda should have timestamps — ten minutes for this topic, five for that one, fifteen for the next, and the last ten for wrap-up and action items.
The notetaker should share their screen so everyone can see the notes being taken in real time. That way people can correct misunderstandings on the spot instead of discovering them later. After the meeting, the notes go out to everyone — along with the recording, if appropriate.
Kelly acknowledged it sounds like a lot of overhead. But every leader she's coached on this has come back saying the same thing: it works. Meetings move faster. People stay engaged. And there's documentation — a written record of what was decided and what needs to happen next. In a distributed world, documentation isn't bureaucracy. It's survival.
Rupesh connected this to Toastmasters, where every meeting has designated roles, assigned responsibilities, and a strict schedule. (For more on how structured practice builds speaking skills, see Serban Mare's 10 speech opening mistakes.) First-time visitors consistently say the same thing: "This is the best-run meeting I've ever attended." That deliberateness is what makes it work — and it's exactly what most workplace meetings are missing.
The Hybrid Meeting Trap: Why One Person on Zoom Doesn't Work
Kelly was especially passionate about one specific scenario: hybrid meetings where some people are together in a conference room and one or two people are dialing in remotely.
It doesn't work. The remote person can't hear side conversations. They miss body language. They can't see facial expressions. And they end up feeling like what Kelly described as "the giant head lady from The Incredibles" — looming on a screen while everyone else has their own separate experience in the room.
Her solution is counterintuitive but effective: even if everyone is physically in the same building, have them join from separate screens in separate offices. It levels the playing field. Everyone sees the same faces, hears the same audio, and participates in the same way.
It might feel strange to be on a Zoom call with someone two doors down. But the alternative — where remote participants feel excluded and disconnected — is far worse.
Zoom Fatigue Is a Meeting Problem, Not a Technology Problem
When Rupesh asked about cameras on versus cameras off, Kelly reframed the entire question.
If people are expected to be in eight meetings a day, yes, they're going to have Zoom fatigue. But that's not Zoom's fault. That's a meeting-design problem. If meetings are structured well and limited to the things that actually require synchronous time, most people end up in two or three meetings a day — and asking for cameras on is perfectly reasonable.
The fatigue comes from poorly planned meetings that shouldn't be meetings at all. Fix the meeting culture, and the Zoom fatigue largely fixes itself.
Setting Response Time Expectations and Healthy Boundaries
This is where the conversation shifted from meeting structure to something more personal: how to stop remote work from swallowing your entire life.
Kelly's framework centers on two words that most leaders never have explicit conversations about: expectations and boundaries.
Response times should be discussed openly. Kelly recommends 24 to 48 hours as a fair baseline for most communication. But beyond that, teams need clarity on which platform is for what. Some organizations use email primarily for external communication and document exchange, and Slack or Teams for internal back-and-forth. The key is making those decisions deliberately instead of letting everyone figure it out on their own.
She also made a strong case for keeping professional communication off personal phones entirely. Decisions made over personal text messages aren't documented, aren't searchable, and can get organizations into real trouble.
One example Rupesh loved: a leader who put a line in their email signature saying, "I often do my email late at night. Please know that I do not expect a reply until you're signed on to work the next morning." It's a small gesture, but it removes the pressure that late-night emails silently create. The message might land at 11 PM, but the expectation is clear — you don't need to respond until tomorrow.
Rupesh shared his own experience working across US and India time zones. He started using scheduled email sending specifically so his team wouldn't receive messages at 3 AM and feel like they needed to match his hours. He was burned out and didn't want to pass that on.
Kelly's broader point: healthy boundaries aren't a perk. They're a leadership skill. If you don't model them, your team won't feel permission to set their own.
Why You Need to Have the Expectations Conversation More Than Once
Kelly's golden rule for remote communication was simple, and she said it multiple times because she meant it: you cannot talk about expectations enough.
Most companies have this conversation once, during onboarding, when the new hire is drowning in laptop setup, Slack profiles, and meeting 14 people in one day. None of it sticks.
Her recommendation: give new hires a quick overview during onboarding, then have the real expectations conversation once they're embedded in their team — after a week or two, when they have enough context to understand what they're hearing. Then revisit it every six months with the full team.
She found that when new team members joined, it was actually the perfect opportunity to get the whole team together and re-examine expectations — because norms shift over time. What worked six months ago might not work now. Having that conversation regularly keeps things from drifting into the "wild west" of everyone doing their own thing on whatever platform they prefer.
And her bonus rule: if an email or Slack thread goes back and forth more than twice without resolution, pick up the phone. Or hop on a quick Zoom call. Don't let confusion compound across 19 messages when a five-minute conversation would solve it.
About Kelly Soifer
Kelly Soifer is an ICF-certified leadership development and career coach at KS Leadership Development. For nearly 40 years, she has guided professionals through personal and career transitions, helping them clarify identity, values, and purpose. Her approach blends emotionally intelligent coaching with practical tools that support leaders navigating change. She has been working remotely since 2010 and specializes in helping organizations build healthy, effective distributed and remote teams.
Connect with Kelly:
- Website: ksleadershipdevelopment.me
- LinkedIn: Kelly Soifer
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